Rapid Reaction: LSU’s Joe Burrow to Play With Ruptured Spleen, Broken Skull

NEW ORLEANS, La.—LSU Tigers quarterback Joe Burrow had some noticeable trouble, but The Beet has learned that his injuries are slightly more enumerated. “He’s actually wearing dentures right now, they got ahold of him pretty good,” said an LSU team doctor who wished to remain anonymous. “They ruptured his spleen, broke a part of hisContinue reading “Rapid Reaction: LSU’s Joe Burrow to Play With Ruptured Spleen, Broken Skull”

Rapid Reaction: Trevor Lawrence’s Hair Loses Integrity in First Half

NEW ORLEANS, La.—Clemson Tigers star quarterback Trevor Lawrence is frustrated with giving up a lead, but the worst news was delivered via his publicist who was informed by his stylist. “It nearly looks like Trevor is using a wax-based conditioner, I don’t know what he’s thinking,” said Lawrence’s stylist who wished not to be identified.Continue reading “Rapid Reaction: Trevor Lawrence’s Hair Loses Integrity in First Half”

Nick Saban Starts Recruiting Michigan Prospects During Citrus Bowl

Alabama Crimson Tide coach Nick Saban usually starts his recruiting activities quickly after the season ends, but this year it appears Saban is getting started even earlier. “He wants to set up these satellite camps in Alabama,” Saban said of Michigan Wolverines coach Jim Harbaugh. “Cool. No problem. But out of the group they invitedContinue reading “Nick Saban Starts Recruiting Michigan Prospects During Citrus Bowl”

Lynn Bowden Gets Ten KO’s Prior to Belk Bowl, Ready for IBF Title Match​

(CHARLOTTE, N.C.) – Kentucky Wildcats all-purpose man Lynn Bowden got a little scrappy with the Virginia Tech Hokies prior to the Belk Bowl on Tuesday. Emotions boiled over when Bowden punched several players, fans and mascots just outside of the window where he could have been ejected from the game for doing so. “I don’tContinue reading “Lynn Bowden Gets Ten KO’s Prior to Belk Bowl, Ready for IBF Title Match​”

Nevada Wolfpack to Have UFO Flyover to Finish Season Against UNLV

Some might say that the Nevada Wolfpack are perhaps embracing too much of a social stereotype, but that won’t stop a scheduled UFO flyover from happening over Mackay Stadium this Saturday. “It’s something I think our fans and alumni deserve,” said a passionate Jay Norvell following an alumni luncheon. “We know they’re there, get ‘emContinue reading “Nevada Wolfpack to Have UFO Flyover to Finish Season Against UNLV”

MSU to Commemorate Elijah Moore Pissing Away Rebels Hopes With Statue

(Starkville, MISS.) – The Mississippi State Bulldogs announced on Friday that they would commemorate the ending of the 2019 Egg Bowl with a statue of Elijah Moore that will adorn the lawn outside of Davis Wade Stadium. “The real irony is that as a member of the Ole Miss team, [Moore] pretended to be aContinue reading “MSU to Commemorate Elijah Moore Pissing Away Rebels Hopes With Statue”

NCAA Brings Out The Undertaker to Make Mizzou Appeal Announcement

(Indianapolis, IND.) – In a move that the NCAA defended as “completely necessary,” and “in no way associated with the hilarious tone of the penalties,” the NCAA brought out The Undertaker before Thanksgiving to help make the announcement regarding Mizzou’s Infractions appeal. “We really just wanted to take a dump on the Mizzou fanbase beforeContinue reading “NCAA Brings Out The Undertaker to Make Mizzou Appeal Announcement”

Will Muschamp to Disclose Every Scripted Play Before Kentucky Game Next Season

(COLUMBIA, S. Car.) South Carolina Gamecocks football coach Will Muschamp had great success telling Cole Cubelic of SEC Network what he was going to do as soon as the half resumed this past Saturday. The success was viewed as so good by Muschamp that during his weekly staff meeting, the decision was made to approachContinue reading “Will Muschamp to Disclose Every Scripted Play Before Kentucky Game Next Season”

Sick of Being Called Homer, Barrett Sallee Decides to Embrace Accusations

(ATHENS, Geo.) College football analyst Barrett Sallee is often fielding a long list of accusations from a fanbase whenever he makes a statement or has an opinion. But perhaps the most frequently levied charge against the CBS Sports writer is that he is a homer for the Georgia Bulldogs. Fed up with the long-running insinuations,Continue reading “Sick of Being Called Homer, Barrett Sallee Decides to Embrace Accusations”