Astros GM and Manager Awarded One-Year Vacation for Cheating

HOUSTON, Tex— Houston Astros General Manager Jeff Luhnow and coach A.J. Hinch might normally be trudging through the typical off-season motions that are associated with their responsibilities, but that all changed for them on Monday.

“I still can’t believe it,” Hinch said. “One year vacation? We’re still World Series Champions. I can’t wait to tell people all over the world that we are still number one.”

Luhnow and Hinch both spoke with The Beet at Sensia Studio & Japanese Day Spa during a body massage appointment.

“The problem with baseball right now is all the damn rules,” Luhnow said. “It was only a problem if you were getting caught, and that’s the thing now, these sons of bitches are pretty good at catching you cheating.”

Their absence from the team will be immediate, and what still remains uncertain as to how the team will be run for the 2020 season.

“I got one word for you, that’s ‘angles’,” Hinch said in between sipping from his cocktail during his body massage. “If we see you and you don’t see us, hard to call that cheating. We’ll take the next year to surf in Costa Rica and figure out the best plan for 2021.”

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